About this time two years ago I struggled with the decision to either stay full time with my company or leave. I had been with them six years. I didn’t think they would let me reduce my hours because they are a small company and I don’t recall them having any part-time employees. There were two reasons why I wanted to quit.
Reason one was because the twins were a little over one year old and getting into everything. The thought of one of them getting seriously hurt only three feet away from me because my head was in a spreadsheet on my computer would have killed me. I was so stressed about it. My husband was also upset about some other things not getting done that I usually do. I had the full time job and two “crawlers” around to watch at the same time. I just didn’t have the time to do any of that other stuff. He kept telling me we would be okay financially if I wanted to quit. He said we would have to cut back on some stuff but that we would be okay.
Reason two was because I was dealing with all of that and then a co-worker of mine ripped me a new one without so much as a thought as to what the real issue was. I don’t want to go into too much detail. I am a billing analyst. I’m sure your eyes would glaze over and your mouth would drool as you slip into a nice peaceful sleep if I went on about it. Long story short, my supervisor was out on vacation and a sales team lead/manager wanted to do something he probably knew he shouldn’t. The first email my co-worker sent asked me a question but with a definite wording and tone of irritation about the situation. My immediate response was to be defensive. After I wrote the defensive email I stopped and walked away from the computer before I sent it. I always believe in writing a rough draft, taking a break, revising, and then sending a response. I think a “cool down” period saves a lot of grief. My revision was to apologize right off the bat. I wanted to let her know we are all stressed, we are on the same team, and I did not mean to cause her any more undue stress even if the real culprit was the sales lead and how he “played” us. Well no sooner than I hit send I got an email immediately back ripping me a new one. Obviously she did not believe in having a “cool down” period. So that was my breaking point.
I had several people try to offer suggestions; daycare, nannies, etc. What it all came down to was that I wanted to be with my kids more than I wanted to do this job. I did not enjoy putting up with my co-worker’s crap or anybody else’s crap while taking me away from spending time with my kids. My husband’s pay is what really runs our house. My income was not even enough to really justify having the kids in daycare or hire a nanny. We really would not have much of my income left if we did that. And again I wanted to be the one to take care of them day in and day out. That little amount of money just didn’t seem worth it to be away from my kids (If you do not have kids and do not know how expensive it can be, just look it up how much it is for one and then multiply that times two for twins).
So I called my supervisor a few days after she got back from vacation and told her I wanted to leave. I get along really well with her even though we have only seen each other in person a handful of times. She knew my work ethic and she knows that I always try my best. She went back to the upper management and worked it out to where I could spend more time taking care of my kids while still having an income. It was a good thing too because we had some struggles with some renters in my husband’s old home. It can be tough when you have two mortgages and renters who are not paying what was agreed to help with the one mortgage.
Now fast forward to today. We have a new billing system that does a lot of what I do. My supervisor and manager had a call with me to let me know how sorry they were but they really couldn’t justify my position with the company anymore. I understand and I kind of saw it coming. I had hoped that they could find something else for me to do until the kids were at school full time. Looking back on the last two years, I am really grateful for them keeping me even though it was still stressful at times doing things like juggling conference calls with toddler meltdowns.
I am still worried though. We have better renters now, but I am not sure that will help. I mean even two years ago when my husband said we would have to cut back on stuff, I didn’t know what he meant. Other than this trip and a few races we enter to keep our training going there isn’t really anything else to cut out of our budget. Thank goodness I saved up for this trip. I just hope we don’t have to spend it on something else. I mean I already shop consignment sales and get some second hand clothes for the kids. I have coupon apps on my phone. I am a little lazy about shopping the ads and I HATE clipping coupons. The apps on my phone are more doable. If you know any good ones, please leave a comment. I already use Ibotta, Cartwheel, and Wal-Mart apps.
I wrote this post and thought, “Ugh. Am I being too whiny?” You know someone always has it worse than you. I try to think about that and how those people do it regardless if it is financial stress, marital stress, family stress, etc. It helps a little, but in the end your problems are your problems and you still have to face them.