Support Is A Good thing Ya Know

Okay. . . Sigh. I am not sure my husband really supports me in my little goal here. First let me tell you what kind of support I like to have. I have always been one to appreciate positive motivation. I don’t mean the people who only talk like it is all unicorns and rainbows. I mean the people that are honest and believe in you. The people that say, “You ran a 15 minute mile pace for three miles. That is great! I know you will only get better.”

Now what I don’t care for is the naysayers. I am not one to focus and train just to prove somebody wrong. When I tried to do Pike’s Peak Half Marathon back in 2005 I had a guy that I thought was my friend tell me point blank that I could not do it. He even laughed a little as he said it.

I was dating my husband when the above scene took place. I never recall my husband being negative or having doubts about my ability to do the race. I can’t remember if I mentioned the outcome in my other posts, but I made it to the last aid station. I was turned around due to weather and they canceled the rest of the race. I might post my write-up of that story here some time.

Anyway my husband was actually very nice and supportive during that whole time. He even gave me a little necklace that I had admired in a store a few days earlier. He said something along the lines of, “I know you didn’t get your medal, but I thought you might like this.” How sweet was that?

When I did my write-up of my experience I made sure to send a copy to my “friend.” He sent a very nice reply back to me. I may have made sure to send him a write-up of what happened, but he didn’t have much influence in my training or thoughts until after the race.

Now there was only one time when we were dating that I remember my husband being negative. It was New Years Eve and he said there was no way I was going to make a group run with our friends the next morning. I did, but I had already decided I was going to go. I packed my stuff and had it ready at his house. It was settled.

The reason I go on about this now is that it seems so painful to ask my husband to watch the babies while I go for a run. He gives me a laundry list of things he does not get to do which kind of makes me mad. He went cycling all through the summer the twins were born and all last summer. I mean he made the top ten riders to have gone to the most rides both years. Heck, I think he was even in the top five if not first or second! What I would like to happen is just for him to say something like, “Sure, Hon. I’ll watch the babies. Have a nice run. I love you.” That is it. No complaints or bickering.

I know some people would think that it was nice that he at least watches the babies but it just really sets me off when he complains so much. He has even pointed out that no matter what he says he still watches them. He basically says I should ignore him when he goes on like that. Several Wednesdays during the summer he would come home and say something like, “You don’t want to run tonight, do you? It is too hot/rainy/windy/etc. I can go for my bike ride, right?” He would say this with me dressed in full running gear standing right in front of him. I would get so mad especially when he had Monday, Thursday, and Saturday to ride. He would say that he wanted to do the Wednesday ride because it was the closest to our house. Wednesday is the only day my group runs together other than early Saturday morning when the babies eat breakfast.

I could not stand his comments so much that I bought him a bike rack for his car for an early Father’s Day present so he could go to his ride and I could take the babies on my group run. Our hand me down double jogging stroller does not fold up real well. I have to put it on our bike rack on our SUV to get to the group run. I kind of shot myself in the foot when I bought that other bike rack because I wasn’t always in the mood or had the time to get both babies ready (sunscreen, hat, diaper bag, etc), lug the bike rack around the garage to get it on the SUV, get the stroller down from the garage ceiling, put the stroller on the rack, drive there, get it off the rack, get the babies in it, run and then reverse everything to get back home. The days I did do all of that, I just told myself all that lifting and what not was good for me and just extra exercise.

I sometimes wonder if he thinks I won’t or cannot do this because he does not understand my motivation. He is motivated by competition or someone saying he can’t do something. He likes to prove people wrong a lot. Well, like I said, he was at least one of the top ten riders for the last two years.

My whole point is that I am just not 100% sure he is in this with me. There is the fact that he will watch the babies, but not without some choice words. He is so hard to ignore because he complains or criticizes so often. The man does not let anything go. If something is not perfect, he just HAS to say something. We have been to a marriage conference before and they said that you do NOT have to say everything out loud. He says he has to say something because how else will I learn. To me that is like having your neighbor with all the leaves in his back yard lean over your fence and complain about how long your grass is growing. Gee, thanks pal.

Maybe I do not have anything to complain about here. I know actions speak louder than words, but words have consequences too, right? Words can hurt especially when it comes from someone you thought was in your corner.

As a side note I had to edit this several times. After I was mad about something I would feverishly write about how horrible he is with specifics to the most recent fight. After I cooled off a bit I would then come back and delete a lot. I am sure some of you married folk can relate.


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